I think we are talking about leveling the playing field for those of differente races—making people equal. In doing that, I think there should be an understanding between people. There should be another column under microaggression’s; that is what the person who is committing the microaggression really means. This would create a level of understanding between cultures. I agree that people should be taught what behaviors/comments are offensive. But education should go two ways and explain one person’s views to another so that the intent of the action is understood.
I lived in England for a year while I was in college in the early 1970’s. I got working papers through a program run by the United Nations. While I was in London, I lived in a area that was heavily populated by Jamaican’s and people from India—two cultures I knew very little about. I worked as a waitress in a restaurant near Marble Arch—there were lots of tourists (both from England and from other parts of the globe) who came into the restaurant. I was 19 years old, at the time, and looked much, much younger than that. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, people knew that I wasn’t from England. Usually 4 questions followed. 1) Where are you from? 2) How old are you? and once they found I was from the United States, they would ask 3) Are you American Indian? and 4) Do you know Donny Osmond? I understood that people were genuinely curious about the United States and wanted to know more about it. It really made me aware that it is in all of us to be curious about other people. I felt as if I were an agent of the United Nations and were helping people—one person at a time—to understand about the US and its people. I think it is part of our responsibility to the world to educate others about our land of origin, its complexities and to be respectful and responsible stewards of that country. When people asked me where I was from, they really wanted to know! They had no experience with American Indians or Donny Osmond and wanted to take from mine and learn.
I understand that it is tedious to be repeatedly asked the same questions, but I also felt that I gained each time I explained and answered. I gained a better understanding of what it meant to be who I am, what it means to be a part of the world’s population, what another’s view of the US was and finally, what the positive and negative aspects of the US were to other countries. I think those are pretty powerful lessons.
As a woman who grew up in the 60’s and 70’s, I understand the condescending remarks and attitudes of the group with power. I have felt those pressures in the work place and with the good ole boys who have predominantly run public education (the male gym teachers are the ones who become the principals/superintendents in schools systems). I think there are microaggressions committed against people who are overweight (as I am). But I know that getting angry about it isn’t the way to change it—only education and understanding can do that.
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4 comments:
Sally, I absolutely agree that we should not over-react and take offense when people ask us where we are from out of curioisity - they simply are interested no more no less. Sometimes we read too much in that questioning and react externally or internally about: "Gee, why did you ask me? And not the other person? Is that because I looked different." Life is too short to read and judge and interpret everything that comes at us.
Very often, I am asked where are you from? I have heavy accent, I look different and I think people should be curious and ask instead of decide on their own. I too ask others where they are from! I usually say, I will tell you in a minute, but could guess yourself first. This helps me answer their question, better. For instance, if the answer to my question is West India, I have to explain where Somalia is and so on. But if the person guesses, Ethiopia, then I just say Somalia. It makes the conversation bit more than where are you from? Somalia!
However, when I was in Iraq, I had people ask me that many times during the day, and I never knew how to answer, because they could mean, what nationality, state, city, unit I am from. I used to say , that is a loaded question, please specify!
In addition, I have had times, I was asked the same questions, and from the nonverbal signals, what preceded the question or flows my answer, I have interpreted it as an attack.
Sally, I forgot to mention that I have also been to Marble Arch. It was the time when I told you that I was on assignment in Bordeuax France. Coming back from France to Toronto, where I lived at the time, we stopped by Marble Arch. That would have been in 74 around April.
I also should add that I myself do get asked a lot where I am from. I used to get irritated a bit by that. But I have learned to not project my own feelings and assumptions on to others. I too often times out of curiosity wanted to know where people are from.
My own journey is that I try to clean up my own lense. Many people have forgiven me for my sometimes inadvertent insensitivities. I can do the same thing in return. I like the idea of redemption and forgiveness and letting go to move on. And the art of not taking offense is like granting forgiveness ahead of time. It's the foundation of compassion and just like me everyone sometimes makes mistakes.
I love that!! "granting forgivness ahead of time." In philanthropy we call it giving ahead or giving forward. What a great concept.
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