Weds. 18 June 08 David Not Present Ladder of Inference (Mindsets exercise)
Actions I give advice, offer support, and reinforce these beliefs based on projecting
myself (emotions, events, and opinions) onto my friend.
Beliefs Breaking out of generational cycles is difficult if not impossible.
My beliefs are grounded in my family and personal issues.
Conclusions The son's problems are not his own; they are generational.
His patterns are based on parental models; parental cycles are tied to their
parent's models...
Assumptions I assume the son has followed in his father's footsteps based on patterns
learned from my parents.
Meanings Problems of previous generation revisit their children. In my own life this
has been so.
“Data” Son has drug and alcohol dependency problems. My friend (father) still
uses himself.
“Data” & Agitation of my friend connected to arguments and difficulties with the
Experiences behavior of his son.
In this Reflexive Loop I look for and select parts of a person's story that most closely
resemble my own. So I chose to zero in on the fact that my friend is trying to convince
his son to stop doing crazy stuff (using on the job) while the father still uses at home. To say this loop is rather limiting is obvious. **My bias is influenced by my years of drug abuse and ways of dealing with it. My excuse was based on my parents and their friends “social” (heavy) drinking and its effects on their lives. Although I see the fallacy and weakness of surrendering to a blame and shame mindset it can be hard to break this cycle. Projection of my own issues and hangups onto other persons is dangerous and not helpful in meeting people, especially intimates, where they are.
David Not Present Reflections on Microaggressions
While serving as a missionary in Haiti I would sometimes go for morning runs on the
streets of Port-au-Prince. One day a Haitian man yelled out of his open car window
“Yankee go home!” At the moment he confronted me I was surprised. In my recollection
this was one of only a few incidents where I felt hostility from Haitians. It did give me a
mixture of emotions. Anger at being lumped in with other “yankees.” I was upset because
of my commitment to aiding Haitian people. Also, I remember saying to myself, “Bud, as a matter of fact I am going home. Tomorrow, to be precise.” There were myriad feelings because I was heading back early from my three year term. I'm not sure what prompted the outburst although it seemed intentional at the time.
There are countless microaggressions I unintentionally commit. 1) At my place of work we are situated not far from St. Mary's Hospital. Often I detect odd, interesting accents and often inquire where they are from. Although I think, from my perspective, this is an
innocent question there are assumptions behind the inquiry. Despite the fact that I have
had many stimulating conversations with these visitors and residents I have not stopped
to consider what it is like from their point of view. 2) In seminary on several occasions I
was confronted by women about statements I made that were deemed sexist or insensitive. These declarations were no doubt unintentional. They were also revealing in how much I had to learn about my unconscious programming of patriarchal attitudes.
3) When I am in HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) watch out. There have been times when I have reacted to situations experiencing just one or two of those categories. You do not want to be near when I am in all four! Once I recall projecting my imbalance on my Aunt when she was gushing over something of which I had little interest. I did this in front of my family. She called me on it and I learned to be more careful in the future. What I said I did with the intention of ticking her off.